Put a Stop to Guilt

 A 45-years old man, who married second time after divorcing his first wife at the age of 38, came to me with his second wife. The man looked lost, tried and sick. According to his wife, his situation and their relation had been continuously deteriorating in the seven year of their marriage. The man was quiet and it seemed he held something big in him. In the second meeting, I knew that he felt the guilt of divorcing his first wife due to a sudden aggression, which became intense due to a misunderstanding. At the time of divorce, he was married to his first wife for 13 years and had three children.

He told me  he missed his wife and children. Asked where his first wife and children lived and whether he tried to talk to them, he said they lived in the same city but he was afraid they would not accept him. For seven years, the man was living in the past and every time he was with his second wife,  his guilt and old memories about his first wife and children would overcome his feelings for her. Due to this self imposed guilt, even his second marriage was turning into a disaster and his wife said it was the last try she was giving to heal him and their relationship.

After a few coaching sessions, he chose to say goodbye to this guilt and instead decided to do something about it. He met his wife and children and after an initial refusal his previous in laws welcomed him. He met his children, shared his pains  and apologized from his wife; also,  he listened to her sufferings. Finally he started seeing his children every week, and took over the responsibility of their educational expenses..